he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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