I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
