how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Every concussion has its silver lining
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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