i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
