So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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