I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
