Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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