You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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