Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
