This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
