after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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