Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
