Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
