lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
