i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
