Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
