Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
