Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
