someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
