dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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