you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
