I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
