"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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