so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
