the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
