And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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