Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
