just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
