my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
