you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
