i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
