Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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