My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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