Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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