we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
