Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
