I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
