Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
