i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
