All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
