I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
