she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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