Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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