Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
