i think my tv is drunk
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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