I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
