she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
