She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You took a bar mat shot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
