Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
