.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
