I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
