He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The uberlube is also flammable
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
