so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
