I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
